Its been a while... well, i have to update. I'm ashamed of myself but maybe that will help others as well as myself.
I was 25 or less lbs from my highest best weight for me and I lost it. We had friends over and i wanted to make a healthy dessert. It didn't work as i had hoped because i kept adding stuff. One taste led to another, led to "giving in" for the night, which turned into 3+ years of reverting.
It was stressful being on this plan while no one else in my family or life wanted to join me and would comment on how strict this plan is. When I was at 120lbs lost I also began dropping my hair. That scared me. But it is normal after a drastic weight loss like that in such a short time to lose your hair. I just wasn't ready for that, or saggy skin (it wasn't too bad, but I should have really choosen more flattering clothes and did WAY more sculpting then I did).
7 months after my last day on program, I found out I was pregnant with twins. I kept the weight off a bit but breastfeeding has been my downfall. I was verocious from lack of sleep and maybe from not being able to eat and enjoy food during the pregnancy, and of course, making a TON of milk for the babies (96 ounces a day!!!). I also had kept on routinely forgetting to take my thyroid medication like I should have. I'm back to my all time high - like I said. And i need to get myself back.
I had also been avoiding myself. I "misplaced" my pictures of my progress, my blog, and didn't return to this forum for a very long time, I gave into a fatalistic attitude that it just couldn't be done and reverted to that lazy thinking. Meanwhile, I knew I was gaining weight so I banished the scale from the bathroom and hid it underneath the couch.
I had blood sugar and blood pressure issues I should have gone to a doctor about - but I was afraid of messing with the plan. So because of that, I basically became religious about eating every 2 1/2 hours.I felt almost like I was tied down to my food. I should have modified the plan with the help of my doctor but I was so into doing it 100% and I felt that if I didn't do it 100% and lose the most weight that I could each week, I may as well give up. As if modifying the plan for health reasons was "looser speak" and not a reality for some people.
I am going to begin again, but not in the immediate future because I'm still breastfeeding and that's a no-no. I am also not going to fool myself into thinking that I can physically do this plan without some doctor specific alterations. And i am going to do what I've seen others do. Set short term goals in order to reach their long term ones. I may even decide to maintain each weight a little before moving on to a smaller goal.
I don't plan on tryin to lose so much in such a short time because I see that I need to change mentally and that doesn't happen so quickly. I do see myself taking each step forward though, not treading water and just trying to keep my head up. I'm going to actively take control of my weight.
Even with my previous weight loss, I never did see myself at or near goal. I knew it was there in the way of numbers but I didn't see it when I looked at myself. I felt like I was in a fog or a dream and I was going to wake up and it was going to be taken away. And I let it happen. Never again.
I hope that if others remember me or new ones read this, that they don't feel discouraged because of my failings. I at one time read success stories and saw them begin again and acknowledge their failings, but only doing so with the goal of finding a way to see that this didn't work for me. And of course, when you go looking for something you are bound to find it because you aren't looking past what your focus is on. That's not what this post is here for or about. You CAN do it, but you need to take care of yourself and not just go through the motions.
If you need to modify the diet or exercise at the recommendations of a doctor, then it may be (or no doubt will be) for your benefit. Don't skip out on the vitamins and minerals and take care of yourself.
Ellenor
ps here is a pic of my girls (down in another post)... :)
