lWhere to begin...I have always struggled too with my weight. Ten years ago, I lost about 80 lbs. I cut out the fat, retricted my calories, high carb. I also speed walked at least six days a week for two hours a day. I was very obsessed. It's the only way I could do it. Needless to say, I have gained fifty lbs. back. I was a loose 12, now a tight 18. I am so afraid to eat. Each day, I feel like a failure. I can't seem to stay on any program and if I do, I can't seem to lose weight. I was on Atkins for five months and I gained 20 lbs. on that and ended up with a strong case of asthma, and three perscriptions later. I want to lose weight on this six week program. I have had this for one year now, and just have been afraid to fail again. It sounds good, I love the tapes, but can I do it? I want to more than ever. I am 49 years old, I don't want to spend the next half of my life obsessing over my weight. Isn't there more to life than this? I hope someone out there can relate to this. My story seems like most stories of overweight. It seems so neverending. The good news is that I do have a wonderful treadmill that I purchased just before seeing the provida program a year ago. I have also joined curves for women. It's a total body workout for strength training. Three days a week I do that and I do my treadmill at least 40 minutes a day. A year ago when I bought this program, I was really seeing the inches disappear. Peole were starting to compliment me on the weight loss and I quit. Am I afraid to be thin? That's a disgusting thought. I want to be thin. I want it so bad. So here I go again. I am going to do it. I want to change my username to want2b. debbie